Survival

Yesterday was International Women's Day.


Many debates on this day, why do we need this day? Why isn't there international man's day?

Reflecting and wondering intuitively, I wandered my thoughts into the world of mediation that had become an integral part of me.


Survival ! the first word that came up in my mind, those Israeli couples who live by me here in the United States and come to me for the mediation process to separate, and in most cases (of course not in all of them), the woman is in a state of survival. She is not in her safe zone, the State of Israel, and although she is talented, sometimes an academic with amazing skills, she is the one who raises the children and stay-at-home mom, which is unusual in the Israeli landscape within Israel. Compared to the father who goes to work, he is the one who “wears the pants” to provide the livelihood of the house. Yes, it does happen here in Great America under the existing reality in which we live without a close and supportive system family, and raising the children becomes the whole world in one moment.


Why do I call it survival? Because once the house falls apart and you made the decision to get divorced, it requires running two households, as a result of the divorce process, the expenses increase, and the economic burden becomes much more difficult and complicated.

At this moment the woman becomes the survivor's side in the current procedure, the reliance on child support and alimony from the spouse is not always enough to support the needs of the house. So what do we do?


First, no matter where we are in the world it is necessary to try and find your niche in which you can develop to realize yourself and turn realization into a profession that brings wages on its side, it is true that in many cases the salary is not high enough and we tend to make economic calculations, such as “ does it worth to bring a nanny for the child for a few hours”? After all, the amount I will pay the nanny is the same as my salary.

The answer to that is yes because, in the long run, it will pay off.


Secondly, knowledge! Both parties should be aware of all the details regarding household expenses, incomes, pensions, and more. Sometimes, the woman, I guess because of not working and more focusing on raising the kids she doesn’t involve in the majority of the party’s financial procedure related to their mutual life, such as mortgage expenses, never see their tax return pension that the husband is set aside as part of his salary (by the way part of this pension is entitled to the wife), assets loans and more. The man in charge of supporting the house is the one who knows each detail of their financial situation.

It is important that both spouses know what is happening in the economic niche. Knowing is power, a phrase that many are familiar with, I don't like to use that term as a mediator, I classify knowledge as part of sharing. Sharing is reducing the feeling of insecurity and increases self-esteem. A feeling of helplessness disappears as it was not with the sense of fear that the other side was doing something without your knowledge.


And the third and last thing, if you have reached the last alignment and is a present farewell, means divorce, the procedure, on one hand, can be a long difficult tiring, and expensive procedure like an animal that survives in the jungle which only a sharp lawyer can help her to survive and fight her war, or on the other hand, the procedure can be short and inexpensive that does not gobble up negative energies and is unnecessarily tiring - the mediation process.


I believe that if you choose the mediation path when you are in a place where you're fulfilling yourself, and you know what's going on around you on a financial level the sense of survival will not be part of your glossary in this procedure.


For healthy communication


Adi.



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